I will offer to Thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and I will call upon the name of the Lord. Psalm 116:17

I confess, I just don’t wanna.

I don’t wanna go clean out that cooler so I can drop that frozen bird into a honey brine this morning.

I don’t wanna “practice” making a dairy-free, wheat-free, sugar–free, gluten-free pumpkin pie–again.

And I really don’t wanna trample out in the rain to our smoker every 30-45 minutes from 4 a.m. on Thursday until that temperamental turkey decides to pop his button. I. Just. Don’t. Wanna.

At first I felt rather guilty about this attitude. But, when I first told my husband, and he compassionately instructed me I would just have to “get through it” my guilt started melting. Then I told my mom (who despite all her difficult life has brought her has ALWAYS managed to cook a Thanksgiving meal), and she affirmed she felt the same. My feelings of guilt evaporated at this point. And, let’s not even mention how I felt when my husband mentioned he might go hunting Thanksgiving morning. Let’s just summarize by saying the whole Thanksgiving holiday had begun to feel like a huge sacrifice on my part, and I had no desire to comply with everyone else’s expectations. In fact, I began to feel like I was the turkey: As if to be a good wife and mother meant giving up my whole being as a continual sacrifice, so that everyone else could be full and satisfied.

Being the turkey. It’s not always easy to be the sacrifice. We have our own selfish wills to defeat. We have desires that conflict with our duties and responsibilities to others. We have attitudes that are not conducive to conforming to the will of God for our lives. In his letter to the Romans, the first world citizens of his time, Paul clearly instructed the believers, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that he present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your REASONABLE service” (12:1, emphasis mine). Not sure Paul was thinking of a turkey, but he definitely drew a word picture of a sacrifice on an altar. And that sacrifice is me.

Thankfully, God does not just dictate commands, but gives us instructions on how to follow His commands. Romans 12:2 instructs us, “Be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God.” In contrast to all the “do what feels good for you” mantra of this world, God wants us to change our minds to match His will for us. He wants to change our “don’t wanna” attitudes, and our “not feelin it” feelings. He wants to transform us to be willingly sacrificed for His glory, with an attitude of love toward those around us. Just like Jesus when He sacrificed His all on a cursed cross to buy salvation for the world: Total surrender to the will of His Father with a heart of love toward those crucifying Him.

So, Lord willing, I will be smoking that turkey and trying to make that pumpkin pie. And while I am at it, I am going to be thanking God for His goodness to me.

Oh, that men would praise the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men. Psalm 107: 31

For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. Job 3:25

It had been 5 months. Five months of worry. Five months of scouring the internet for alternative options. Five months of striving for health. Five months of crying out to God for healing. Yet here I was looking out of my son’s hospital room. I guess all things considered, it could be worse. 

I mean look at the view. Breathtaking, autumn colors in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Talk about a room with a view.

And, oh, how I needed that view. 

There are few things that try our faith like suffering. And if watching your child be completely overcome by a merciless autoimmune disease is not suffering, then what is suffering? 

But the view. 

Where was my Heavenly Father in all this? Where was He when I was crying on the floor of bedroom not sure I could bear one more cry of my son? Where was He as my husband and I racked our brains, our friends’ ideas, books, the knowledge of medical professionals, and the all-knowing Google for one more option? Where was He as I cried on the hospital room floor, fearing so much worse than hospitalization? What was God’s view of His child’s suffering?

It was here.

 Oh, I know. Jesus isn’t on the cross anymore. I know He sits on the right hand of  God the Father in heaven. Victorious over death, and risen from the grave. But He chose to suffer the anguish of that cross, so I could be with Him always. And the Father endured the death of His Beloved Son, so I could be His child. What kind of love is that? 

 
It is the kind of love that draws His suffering child nearer to His own heart. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart, and save such as be of a contrite spirit. Psalms 34:18

It is the kind of love that hears the faintest whimper from His child’s heart. The righteous cry , and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of  all their troubles. Psalms 34:17

It is the kind of love that keeps in view all that concerns His child. The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry. Psalms 34:15

Has my view of God changed because of suffering? No. And yes.

No, because knowledge of God’s Word and my experience has taught me God is faithful, good, compassionate, and kind. After all. God is love. 

Yes, because my knowledge and experience of God’s character has expanded. 

 When I was in the emergency room with my son, I could not see a panaramic view of hills and trees. Even if there had been windows: I could not have see but a few trees on the bottom  floor. However, from a seventh floor room in the same building the view was greater, broader, deeper, and higher. The trees were the same as before, but I could see more of them. That’s what happens when we allow God into our suffering. Suffering with God gives room for  the sufferer to expand their view of God. 

We are all going to suffer. We cannot unfollow pain. We cannot unsubscribe to hurt. However, we do have a choice about how we react to suffering. We can choose to suffer with God or without Him. We can choose to take in that view or turn our backs in anger and bitterness. 

As I wrap this up it is dark. Instead of beautiful trees I see a millon lights. Behind, under, and around those lights are people. Most of them are suffering in some way or another. Maybe they are not stuck in a hospital bed receiving treatment, like my son,  but they might be suffering worse. My son is not out of options, yet. I am not of options, yet. And if you are breathing, you are not out of options yet. Consider Jesus, He is the best option. Make room in your view for the only Savior, and never suffer alone again.

O taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man that trusteth in Him. Psalms 34:8