If Harrison Butker had spoken at my college graduation, I also would have wildly cheered him on as did the crowd at graduates at Benedictine College. But I didn’t hear the speech at my college graduation: I skipped my college graduation to be at my oldest daughter’s dance recital.

Read Butker’s full speech here:https://www.ncregister.com/news/harrison-butker-speech-at-benedictine

To most other moms it is not shocking that I would choose to skip my college graduation to be at an important event for my child. Neither is it infuriating that a man would stand in front of a graduating class and tell men and women that placing family above careers will bring them the greatest joy in life: Albeit it would be a pleasant surprise to the typical platitudes of graduation speeches. But for those who are horribly offended at Butker’s statements, my choice may seem unfathomable. I believe this is especially so given the context of my college graduation. It is for both my mom friends and my fellow deceived females that I explain why missing my college graduation was not a burden nor a loss.

In retrospect, I should have known that the culmination of my education thus far would result in missing graduation. In truth my graduation experiences peaked in 8th grade., for which I was showered with many academic and music awards. All my teachers gushed about how I was going to do great things. I am sure some of them were disappointed in later years when I did not meet their expectations, but I am nevertheless grateful for the devotion and patience of my grade school teachers.

My high school graduation did not prove to be as impressive. I graduated in the top three of my class, missing salutatorian by a few one hundredth of points. My best friends, the valedictorian and salutatorian, fully deserved their awarded titles: They had worked tirelessly to earn them. But I had gotten distracted and was graduating four months pregnant. My pregnancy was not a cause of my falling behind my friends academically. Although my morning classes during the last quarter were difficult to attend due to puking every day for 3 months.

Any regrets I had were the lagging guilt of not obeying my own standards of conduct or working harder to earn better grades. I had no plans to attend college at the time. I was quite happy to have a good job, a seemingly supportive husband, and a growing healthy pregnancy. I left high school with a decent education and the realization of most of my hopes. I had been able to perform as the co-lead in our spring musical and was chosen as a princess for the Prom Court. I graduated with honors and had been selected by my classmates to introduce our graduation speaker. My only hurts were those of a few friends (my best male friend was quite angry with me) who insisted I was wasting my mental abilities by not attending college immediately.

I gave birth to my first son and returned to work within 6 weeks. He was healthy and mostly thriving. My lovely mother-in-law was his full-time babysitter. I was working in retail management at the time at Carter’s. Despite all my skills I found it quite difficult to see mothers with their infants constantly. I frequently made mistakes, and my manager was losing her patience with me. However, after a friend recommended me to a higher position at Levi’s, my retail management career was fast tracked. In less than 3 years I was promoted to manager, the youngest in the company at the time. I had a lot of support from my upper management, almost all males. In fact, my direct manager for two years was an extremely fair and patient man. I am sure within a few years I would have been making close to six figures. But instead, I gave birth to a second child, a girl, and I chose to stay at home with both children.

If you are keeping score, I was now in my early twenties. I had set aside college and a promising career. I was at home changing diapers, breast feeding, teaching my older child preschool skills, and basically homemaking. All these things were a joy to me. The smiles and giggles, the training and disciplining, the endless hours of cleaning. It was others that were disturbed at my choices. It was former coworkers asking, “What do you do all day?” It was some other working moms who did not understand why I didn’t want to send my children to daycare. And unfortunately, it was also an unhappy husband who did not want to provide or care for a family, that threatened my contentment.

Indeed, one of the greatest threats to my happiness was not being a mother or wife but losing my first marriage to an unwanted divorce. As I attempted to gain my bearings (and confidence) God again brought many amazing men and women into my life. Every single person that encouraged me, helped with my children, or provided financial assistance were people living out their roles as husbands, fathers, grandparents, wives, or mothers. It never occurred to me to wish I did not have the burden of my children, but I fought to retain them with me as much as possible.

During this life change, I enrolled in college. Given the time since my high school days I had to begin with pre-collegiate math. For my first several semesters I only took one math course. It was all I could afford due to finances and time constraints. Eventually, I was able to take two courses at a time., and finished math with calculus, my only B grade in college. Who was my college math teacher? A man that was committed to provide for this family so that his college educated wife could homeschool. Again, this man did everything he could to ensure his students succeeded. While I was able to graduate from community college with honors my very high GPA did not count toward valedictorian or salutatorian positions because the majority of my degree was not earned as a full-time student

By the time I began full time at the university level, I was married. I was homeschooling one child, working on my husband’s family farm, and performing all the mom and wife duties. I loved every minute of it. I sometimes brought my youngest child to my classes, which were about 60 miles away. In fact, I had given birth to my third child before I graduated college. I graduated college with honors and the exact GPA of my high school years.

But, as I explained, I did not attend my college graduation. Technically, I had the option to walk twice, because I finished my final class during the summer. It was not even a consideration, when I realized that my daughter’s annual dance recital was on the same day as my graduation. Other people were disappointed for me. I appreciated the sentiment, but I had no thoughts of commiseration.

It was not just my college graduation that I missed. I again set aside a possible career, this time in teaching. After giving birth to my fourth child, it became apparent that our toddler was quite capable of manipulating every babysitter and her older siblings. I had been frequently substituting at our local school district, and our two older kids were homeschooling. It is not that it was impossible for me to work, but that my children needed my attention at home. Neither my husband nor I, have ever regretted our decision to forgo a full-time professional second income.

I hope all women (and men) who read this hear what I am trying to convey: Living out my God called roll as a wife and mother is what has brought me the greatest joy and fulfillment. I have faced imminent death twice, once due to an ectopic pregnancy. In those moments, I had no fleeting thoughts concerning fame or fortune. My thoughts (and flare prayers) were toward my husband, children, and the Savior, Who I was quite sure I was about to meet.

It is true that God calls individuals to different roles. I have several times in this short writing referred to individuals that invested in my well-being. The heart work that my mom friends and mentors have spent working in me made an eternal impression. But it was also many strong and virtuous men who respectfully protected me, provided for me, and patiently taught me that helped me realize my own calling. These people were not focused on themselves or the world’s vision of what they should be. It is they that continue to inspire me to do my best. They are also some of the happiest, most fulfilled people I know.

Butker made many references to Catholic doctrine which I cannot affirm, but he has every right to believe and say those things. I can affirm, that women have been sold a lie that professional success will bring them more happiness than a home with a husband and children. Yes, there are a few that can manage both, especially in different seasons of life. There are also a few women who are not called to be wives or mothers, but these women have other callings to service. So lean into your calling of God, not the desire of the spirit of the age.

Butker spoke the truth, a thing rarely spoken at college graduations. The media, and those who have lived in the deception of the media’s lies hate the truth. I can testify that they utterly hate women that speak and live the truth. The only people the media despises more than women unashamed to live primarily as homemakers, is the men strong enough to praise them. So bravo, Butker.